December 25, 2009 at 11:07 am (Journal)
Hi! I realized hat I have a lit of posts where I pwrote half way through and did not post it haha. Never really got the time to finish writing – therefore, I’ll be writing more from my phone 
It’ll be a lot easier to write on-the-go whenever there’s Internet around. Well, this post is just a test to see whether it works ok so you guys will be hearing from me again soon~
December 10, 2009 at 6:36 pm (Journal)
After such a long time, I’ve felt alive again despite of looking like a zombie sometimes. I’ve sorted out things I should have, decide on some big decisions and following along with what I originally had in mind. I feel so good about life in general – not that it’s all rosy and easy but satisfied with how things have turned out and hoping it’ll get better and better.
There have been things that I did not speak off – to anyone. Especially regarding the death of a friend you might know her as Shironu or Sharon. It was something I shouldn’t have avoided for talking about it would have helped me in a lot of ways. She was a very close friend to me – we talked about everything and anything. Though we might not remember everything about each other with all the junk we talked about, she was someone I could relate to, talk to and share whatever I have in mind. Our dreams was the first thing that bound us. Whatever we wanted to do, it was so similar that we passionately update each other of our progress.
After a while, we both got busy with our own lives only to come to a point that the next news I got from her devastated me, but on account to encourage her, did not talk much about it – only to make her focus on her dreams and future. Occasionally, I would check up on her via the phone. Hearing her voice, which mostly says “I’m in pain” all the time, I convinced her that she’ll get through this – she has too. Though thinking back, It was merely something that I wanted myself to be convinced off. In turn, on every phone call, she made me feel all better again – telling me to go for it, do my best and not to mind her much.
I did not remember the last phone call for it didn’t occur to me that it would be the last – despite of her condition. I did my very best on whatever I did. The only last thing I remembered was saying that she’ll be taking SPM the same year I did – we managed take it on the same year together (missing one year so we took it when we’re 18). I did not hear much from her during and after the final test. After a few months, I found out that she was gone one day from a friend. I was tremendously shocked. I knew it would happen – but this fast? We didn’t get to meet like we planned to – she didn’t want me to see while she was sick. What about all the promises we made? All the things I told her we would achieve. Everything was blank. I thought I would break down and cry but not knowing how to handle such shock, I did not say anything nor did I cry. I felt that I’ve sunk into a mode that puts everything into autopilot.
Since then, I drowned myself with work, but with no plans to move forward. I did not attend the funeral which I wished I had. Everything that she talked about – her brother, her parents – I was terrified at the thought of confronting it with myself. I contacted her brother once but it was too painful for me that I gave up so easily. I was disgusted at the way I was handling things – it was a matter of time before I lost my tracks, getting sick all the time, eating problems and such. I slacked on whatever I do including kamcao which probably suffered the most. It was such a personal struggle that I didn’t want to give in. I started calling her number a lot in a day even though I knew no one was going to answer. It kept going to her voice mail.
I distanced myself to a lot of people, even to the ones I was previously close to. Subconsciously, I felt that it was greatly painful to have lost someone I really cared for – I wasn’t ready to experience it anytime soon so I put a wall in between me and the people I know. It was in defense and in turn I was indifferent to almost everyone. But over the months, I managed to battle things out within me, come to terms, and I felt that the wheel is starting to turn again. Despite the distance I created, I was blessed with a lot of friends that cared for me (sometimes enough to be mad at me for my own good). I’m glad that I’m still alive.
I still ‘call’ her from time to time – though around a few months ago, from going to the voicemail it went to – “the number you have dialed is no longer in service”. I’m sure I left lots of 5 to 10 seconds voice mail haha. Out of habit, there are times which my hand and fingers just dialed her out of the recent dialed numbers.
But I know what has to be done – it was a choice I made. It won’t be as easy as it sounds, but slowly with progress, I’ll do my best. Just like how she said I would. I felt like I can run again. I’m not tied down to where I am – so this, this journal is a start. Some of my friends have made me realize that it is time to move on. Life is short.
Title: “And once again, I begin to run..”
August 27, 2009 at 8:36 pm (Artworks, Journal)
Here there and back again in Ipoh for the mean time. There’s so much things that I need and want to do though when it comes to drawing, colouring and whatnot, I have come to realize that – my desk and bed is no longer mine here (LOL). Though there is still some extra space where I can carry on and do what I want so I don’t really mind.
I would like to garden when I can though it has been raining a lot these past few days. The garden looks better overall with my grandma staying over and looking after the flowers though the spot where I’ve been taking care of is… an utter mess haha. I doubt I can do much for the garden in such a short spent for time but I’ll see what I can do.
But it’s good to be back. I miss the birds chirping in the morning, the smell of the wet earth when it rains, noises from the kids and the things I was deprived of during my stay in KL. When I’ll be gray and old on day, I would certainly get myself a house in an outskirt area haha. As much do I like city life for the people that I was surrounded with, I would pretty much prefer a peaceful setting when it comes to working.
Inking something here~
August 17, 2009 at 8:12 pm (Journal)
I am now back in Ipoh and together with my family again after a hectic weekend in Melaka. GACC was somewhat a let down when it comes to sales but I’ll let my thoughts settle in first before I say anything~ It was devastatingly tiring but fun nonetheless thanks to a few good friends from surface. We practically laughed our heads off together.
Now that I’m back in Ipoh and in such a hurry as well, I have forgotten to bring a lot of things in which I need. My room and desk have been taken that I find myself uncomfortable being here after more than three months of absence. Never would have thought that I would feel this way towards my own home and nor do I have any resentment for being here.
I’ve yet to unpack all of my things and settle in for I’ll be staying here for the next one month but I’ll visit KL in between if I’m ever needed. There was an issue which brought me to Ipoh earlier than expected so I failed to inform a lot of people. Therefor, I owe a lot of apology to a lot of people (especially Edwin, sorry yah).
I’m sad that I was unable to bid my farewell to a few of my dear friends from college; especially Sam. Some of my classmates held a karaoke session last Friday and boy did we had a blast~ It was my first time karaoke-ing with friends so it was quite an experience and hopefully it won’t be our last, too. Zhe Hui took the opportunity of the gathering to show me his final project for his booklet design as well! I was so happy for him for he got very good marks for it, which he was well deserved in my opinion. Kelli, Maine, Zhe Hui and I had dinner after that which I’m so glad we did for I did not expect that it would be one of our last in a long while.
Well, other than that I have been superbly, disgustingly busy and still with a lot of things to do, people to please and time to rest. I hope that things will meet its end and it ends well~
August 2, 2009 at 5:43 pm (Journal, TOA)
Do you have a dream? A dream that you so craved to realize, that you work towards it whenever you have the time. If there’s nothing anymore important than it, you’d be sure to be moving towards it. No matter how hard it is, whatever the challenge is, the dream that you have will provide you your best drive. No matter the hard aches, you’ll enjoy every single moment of it.
I’m glad that most of the people I’m surrounded with are dreamers and despite the people who shot me down before and now, they tell me it’s mine if I grab it. I hope that I’ll be able to have someone else the opportunity to go through that kind of encouragement.
Life in TOA so far has been quite unexpectedly wonderful in such a way that I never really enjoyed leaning in a classroom because of my certain degree of fear for people. But after a couple of months in session, I thoroughly enjoyed my classes despite the horrible schedule and syllabus structure thanks to my classmates.
I decided to went along with TOA to see how things were carried, the teaching methods and so on so forth. I was told that it wasn’t for me before I enrolled in and so there I was, prepared for the worst of the situation. I was doing quite well if I dare say so until the few last weeks of the semester. I’ve been doing things without thinking, sleepless weeks, forgetting meal times and driving subconsciously. I was accustomed to everything until the very day I asked myself why I was there for; will it get me to where I want to be? Unfortunately, despite of how happy I was with the company provided in class, it was on the most dreadful crossroad that I could imagine myself to be in for I do not find TOA helpful. No doubt that it is a place to go if you were to pursue a job within the industry though it is not exactly why I am here for.
And so, my journey in TOA stops here; I have decided to drop out after this semester itself, continue to learn other things that I have on my list of things to do. It was a great experience nonetheless, I was blessed to have been bestowed to such a great class that celebrated me for who I am. I hoped that I would often meet them in the future~ Since it’s not the end of the semester yet, though it is approaching near; I hope that I will be able to say goodbye to them before returning home. The journey is still on, there’s a long way ahead to go. And I shall start with sleeping tonight, yeay!
July 28, 2009 at 7:30 pm (Journal)
Yes panda
There are a lot of things that I need to do but it’s been a while since the last time I post up anything including art works XD
But, seeming that a lot of things has happened for the past few months, I’ll come back and break some news when I can when some things are over 83
I hope that everyone is well! I’m in some mood for conventions. Is there one you guys think I should go?
June 12, 2009 at 2:40 am (Artworks, Journal)
A few days recently really pulled me down with the lingering effects of fever and the lack of sleep because I was catching up with the assignments. People seem to seek me this week and I was eager to meet some people I know~ We had such a great time and two days in a row, people actually gave me a gifts! It was said to be for my birthday QwQ They’re both so sweeet! Thank you Rin-chan! Thanks Justin and Kev! TTwTT I had a great time and you guys cheer me up a lot~
This is what I got though OwO
It’s two glasses with ‘happy’ on one of them and ‘birthday’ on the other~ Mine is the one with the ‘birthday’ on it. My sister got the one with ‘happy’ on it XD Now we have matching glasses!
It’s a wind bell! It’s sho cute >w< It was wrapped so nicely that I had to take a picture of it before I open it and I was contemplating on keeping the paper but I ruined it lawl. I love you guys sho much! Can’t wait to see you guys again~ We practically chit chat the whole day through. Thanks for walking us back to the car *hugz hugz*
Oh it’s been a while since I post what I’m currently working on so here’s one of them, a colour pencil work of course:
It’s Ryu from [Ginryu], another ongoing project that’s under development story wise but it’s going quite smoothly nowadays. Though I have to stopped working on this one because I haven’t finished two more works for the [Bishie] Project but they’re almost done. Gotta finish my assignments first! XD
June 3, 2009 at 8:36 am (Journal, TOA)
After about a month in college, most of my classmates and I started to get sick. It didn’t seem so bad at first, but after a few days, I realized that it has gotten to a point that I won’t be having the energy to go to school the next day. I think I thought I was the toughest person around because I can work even with having pain (lawl) and so I headed home after class and KO-ed for the rest of the night.
With my sister having fever, my grandma came over to make sure we were doing ok and all. After a few hours of helping her out in the kitchen, we both came to realize that I have fever too! I was wrong to think that its only the regular migraines, flu and soar throat but it seems that I’ve gotten myself a good combo of sickness that leads me to write this journal when most of my classmates are in college todei. My first absence! I haven’t been scanning my art works and downloading my photos~ I want my journal to be colourful again XD How are you guys doing?
May 6, 2009 at 4:37 pm (Journal)
Hi everyone! Time has passed, I’m almost done with the [Bishie] Project and college will be starting next week for me. I’m very nervous, more for the driving but I think I’ll manage to cough up some courage somehow.
I always wonder what college will be like since I was home-schooled during high school. It has been ages since I went back to a school or learning environment so it got me thinking about it. Well, would only know after the orientation, so wish me luck~!
March 29, 2009 at 4:28 pm (Artworks, FAQs)
In the long years of using colour pencils as my favourite tool for colouring, I’ve always meet people who asks “How do you colour it so smoothly?!”. I assume that it’s always the texture that they’re talking about; even so the only answer I can come forward with is “you just have to colour it”. Simple as that haha; of course not everyone is thrilled with such a reply. It is simply because I do not know that there was any specific tools that I can use to create such smooth texture so I solely depended on my shading techniques till now. It is THE ONLY technique I was thought back in primary school (in art club).
When I colour, my mind starts to wander around the planet and sometimes in la-la land too! That’s the reason to why most of my past works are done subconsciously. But a few weeks since I’m working a lot, I’ve been doing a lot of experimenting and trying to stretch myself where colouring is concern; both in timing and choice of colours. So, with such a mind actively brimming with conscious ideas, I realized how I got to where I am today.
This is how it all started. Having a big family, you tend to share spaces with them; with that, you can imagine what kind of situation you have sometimes. “Stop shaking the table!” or “WHO shook the table?!” would be the case most of the time. After years of experiencing this, the only way for me not to ruin my art works by this is to develop either high good reflects OR to have my hand as sturdy as it can be so that when my hand is pushed or the table shook, I won’t cause as much damage as I would normally do. I could only help you on the latter so lets proceed.
For me, pressure is important when it comes to colouring but for you to control and maintain pressure is… to have sturdy hands! 83 Lawl, I didn’t think I was much of a help here haha. It is easier said than done but for additional info, you can use your little pinky finger to fix your hand on the paper and colour by using the only fingers that’s holding the pencil to colour. I do not realize how other people hold their pencil though I use my first three fingers to hold the pencil; so the other two are mostly fixed on the paper when i work.
On another note if you do try this out and this works for you: Please do not overwork your hand since this way adds pressure to your pinky finger and through pass experience, this finger would hurt the most when you overwork. (And if it gets worst, they might just stopped moving for a while too; that was kind of scary) So do please take care of yourself and your hand for the sake of art! XD
